The holiday season is often a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. Yet for many people, this time of year can also bring heightened feelings of grief and loss. Whether it’s the recent passing of a loved one, the anniversary of a significant loss, or the absence of someone important, the holidays can amplify emotions that might otherwise be kept at bay. The contrast between society’s expectation of cheer and the reality of personal sorrow can make the season particularly challenging. It is perfectly normal to feel more grief during the holidays.
If you find yourself struggling with grief during the holidays, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about some ways to help navigate this complex emotional space.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it can manifest in many forms—sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, or even numbness. During the holidays, these feelings can surface more intensely, especially when you’re confronted with reminders of different times or family traditions that once involved the person you’re missing.
Don’t push yourself to “just get through it” or “put on a brave face” because it’s the holidays. Recognize that your grief is valid, no matter the time of year. Giving yourself permission to grieve openly can also give others the opportunity to support you. Along with this support comes increased connection, which can be an essential part of healing. Also, grief is the recognition of loss and honors it. There is no need to brush aside your grief as it holds space for someone, or something, that is important to you.
Create New Traditions (or Reimagine Old Ones)
The holidays are often steeped in rituals and traditions, some of which may no longer feel right without your loved one. If some traditions no longer feel right to you, you can consider new practices that can honor your lost loved one while still allowing space for healing. However, some old traditions may feel too painful to continue. It is okay to put them aside for now and you can always revisit them at another time if it feels right.
Some traditions you may not be ready to put aside, and that is okay too. You can still practice them and may feel a sense of connection to your loved one even through the grief.
Be Honest with Others About Your Needs
Grief during the holidays can be isolating, especially if those around you don’t understand the depth of your pain or expect you to be “back to normal”. It’s okay to communicate your needs and set boundaries. If attending a festive family gathering feels overwhelming, let people know you may need to leave early or not attend at all.
Be honest about how you’re feeling. For example, you might say, “I’m finding this holiday season really tough, and I may need some space. I love you, but I might need to take some time for myself.” People who care about you will appreciate your honesty and may be more understanding than you expect.
Consider Seeking Support
Grief can feel even more isolating during the holidays, so finding a support system is key. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or talking with friends or family who understand, it’s essential to have someone to lean on. Many communities offer grief-specific support groups during the holiday season. Online forums or social media groups can also provide a sense of connection and solidarity.
Practice Self-Care
In times of emotional strain, self-care often gets overlooked. Yet taking care of your physical and mental well-being is crucial. For more resources on self-care, take a look at our guide for the How to Actually Practice Self-Care and the 5 daily pillars. Self-care is crucial as it reinvests your energy back into yourself to build up the resilience and emotional support that you need.
Embrace the Space Between Grief and Joy
It’s possible to feel joy alongside sorrow, and the holidays don’t have to be all or nothing. Grief doesn’t negate the possibility of joy and it’s okay to experience moments of lightness even while mourning. You might laugh with family, enjoy a favorite holiday movie, or share a meaningful conversation with a friend. It’s not a betrayal of your grief—it’s part of the complexity of life and a part of what makes it so beautiful.
You may find that joy and sorrow coexist in your heart. This is natural and it doesn’t mean you’re “over” your grief. It simply means you’re learning how to live with it, and that’s a powerful form of healing.
Honor Your Loved One’s Memory in Your Own Way
One of the most healing things you can do during the holidays is find ways to honor the person you’ve lost. This might mean:
- Sharing stories or memories with others.
- Keeping a photo of them nearby during holiday celebrations.
- Engaging in a ritual that helps you feel close to them, like visiting their resting place or holding a quiet moment of reflection.
In whichever way you honor them, big or small, it should be something of meaning to you. This helps with feelings of connection even through loss.
Conclusion: Giving Yourself Grace During the Holidays
The holidays can sometimes feel like a sharp contrast to the pain of loss. It’s perfectly normal to feel torn between honoring your grief and participating in the festivities. By acknowledging your emotions, reaching out for support, and creating space for self-compassion, you can navigate the season in a way that respects both your sorrow and your resilience. Above all, know that it’s okay to take things one moment at a time.
You are not alone and it’s okay to carry both grief and joy as you continue to honor the memory of your loved one. You will find your way through the holiday season through a path that feels right to you.
If you would like additional support through this time, CCC offers online therapy. We seen teens, adults, and couples and offer specialized services for grief. Contact us today and speak with a licensed therapist.
