What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is considered the gold standard of couple’s therapy. It is grounded in decades worth of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. Their research followed thousands of couples to identify patterns that predict relationship success or failure. Through their research, the Gottman’s developed their model of The Sound Relationship House, which emphasizes the importance of friendship, intimacy, and trust in a relationship. The Gottman’s principles help guide couples to foster these aspects to deepen the relationship.
There are 7 core tenants of The Sound Relationship House. Let’s dive into them:
- Build Love Maps. In this, couples ask each other meaningful questions that build insight into themselves and their partner. With effective love maps, couples learn a deeper understanding of each other’s world by knowing their dreams, values, and experiences.
- Share Fondness and Admiration. This might seem like an obvious one but sometimes couples get into a rut where they stop noticing and appreciating their unique attributes. Turning toward your partner and acknowledging something you love about them, or even a small “thank you” for emptying the dishwasher, can cultivate lasting appreciation and respect. It’s an easy pattern to fall out of but putting effort into remembering these small moments can build a steady bridge in your relationship.
- Turn Towards Instead of Away: Responding positively to each other’s bids for attention, affection, and support. You might be asking, “what is a bid for attention?” Simply put, it is any attempt that your partner makes to engage with you. It can be as small as them saying, “The weather looks nice today.” Now you don’t have to engage in a lengthy weather conversation but turning toward your partner means that you acknowledge and hear what they say. This can be accomplished by simply smiling at them 😊 The more bids you and your partner turn toward, the more connected to each other you will feel.
- The Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive view of the relationship, even during conflicts. Ever catch yourself thinking negatively of your partner? Or noticing all the things that bother you and not the things that you love and cherish. Of course, we all have our faults, but it is important in a relationship to build up a piggy bank of positive thoughts and associations of your partner and the relationship. That way when they “mess up” you will view that as the exception, not the rule.
- Manage Conflict: Learning to resolve conflicts constructively rather than destructively. Oh boy, this is a lengthy one and easier said than done. But at its core, the best thing you should strive to do is to understand your partners perspective and shy away from trying to “win the argument.” Remember, you’re both in this together and are on each other’s sides.
- Dr. Gottman identified four negative communication patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—that can predict relationship breakdown. Recognizing these behaviors is crucial for couples aiming to improve their interactions.
- Make Life Dreams Come True. You should support each other’s aspirations and goals. You will feel so valued and loved in your relationship when your partner is your biggest cheerleader.
- Create Shared Meaning by establishing shared goals, values, and rituals.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy Typically Involves Several Stages
Considering the Gottman Method for your Relationship? There are a few stages of treatment.
- Assessment: Couples complete an intake that may include questionnaires that help identify strengths and challenges within their relationship. Couples may also be observed by the therapist during conflict to gather information about communication styles. This initial assessment provides the therapist with valuable insights into the couple’s dynamics.
- Goal Setting: Couples work together to set realistic goals for their relationship, focusing on areas that they want to improve or develop further.
- Therapeutic Interventions: Therapists use structured exercises and interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. The activities will encourage open communication and help couples practice new skills in a safe environment during therapy sessions. The interventions chosen will be based on the goals set forth in the treatment plan.
- Follow-up and Maintenance: Couples will continue to actively practice the skills they have learned and check-in with one another to see where they are at. Some will maintain “tune-up” sessions with a licensed therapist.
Benefits of the Gottman Method
- One of the standout features of the Gottman Method is its foundation in empirical research, making it a reliable approach for couples seeking effective therapy.
- Focus on Strengths: This method emphasizes building on existing strengths rather than just addressing problems, fostering a more positive therapeutic experience.
- Practical Tools: Couples leave therapy with actionable tools and strategies that can be applied in everyday life, enhancing their relationship long after therapy ends.
- Improved Communication: By learning to recognize harmful patterns and replacing them with constructive communication, couples can navigate conflicts more effectively.
- Strengthened Connection: The Gottman Method encourages couples to deepen their emotional connection, leading to greater intimacy and satisfaction in the relationship.
Conclusion
The Gottman Method offers couples a structured and research-backed approach to improving their relationship. By focusing on communication, understanding, and emotional intimacy, couples can learn to navigate challenges and build a more fulfilling partnership. If you’re looking to enhance your relationship or overcome difficulties, consider exploring the Gottman Method with a trained therapist. It may just be the key to unlocking a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner. Contact us today and learn more about CCC’s Couples Therapy.
